pJames Stabile Informational Newsletter
March 2005
Health, Fitness and Lifestyle...
8 Simple Rules for Dating, this article appeared in the USA Weekend insert in the February 13, 2005 issue of the (Ft. Lauderdale) Sun-Sentinel, by Dennis Hughes. So much has been written about America's favorite past time - DATING. Here goes one more. I found it cute and timely especially since it appeared in the paper the day before Valentine's Day. Here are the 8 rules according to Mr. Hughes:
Take A Reality Check - Take a look at yourself. If you are not finding success and satisfaction from the dating scene, take a look at what you are trying to push - yourself. Maybe you have a defeatist attitude. Maybe you are sabotaging your own sense of accomplishment. You're relationship with that new beau may be damned, so to speak, before your even go on that first date. What are you doing wrong? What are you doing right? Learn from your mistakes. Relationship Tip: Ask trusted friends or relatives to be completely honest and point out what you are dong wrong. Beware of those bad habits that you have formed and take responsibility and make positive changes.
Don't Excuse Bad Behavior - Don't make excuses for the person you are dating. Don't make excuses for lateness or not calling, etc. Be honest about the person you are dating. Maybe you are "better" without the bum. Relationship Tip: Write an honest letter to yourself describing how this person treats you. You may discover that he or she is a loser and you can do better.
Never Have Sex On A First Date...Ever - Having sex on the first date does not make you a bad person, but you do not want appear to be easy, desperate or weak in the area of self-esteem. Safety is another cause for concern. There are a lot of those STD's out there, that's another story altogether. Relationship Tip: Stay away from alcohol. Be in control of your emotions. Make the first date short - long enough to see if there is any chemistry, but not long enough to contemplate acting on it.
Stay Safe - Being friendly and approachable and striking up conversations at singles events or via the Internet ,ay be fun and lead to romance, but it also can lead you open to meeting some shady characters. Women are usually more vulnerable than men to these types of situation, but men can be vulnerable, too. Did you ever heard of a man's life being wrecked by a date gone wrong - money stolen, rumors spread, etc. Short answer - everyone needs to be careful here. Relationship Tip: Never divulge your home address or other personal information on a first date. Meet in a public place. Don't leave your beverage unattended, someone could slip you a "mickey", I haven't heard that expression in years. Resist alcohol for all the obvious reasons.
Shop The Meet Market - That's "meet" not "meat", although meat may work here, too. Don't get in the rut saying that you never meet anyone. Don't wait around for something to happen. Success just doesn't happen. Take charge of your life and make it happen. Relationship Tip: Get out and live. See friends, you may meet someone from a friend. You know - network. Networking is good in most areas of your life, not just in career situations. Take a class. Just get out of the house.
Be A Good Listener - Everyone has something to say, so listen to your companion. Some people talk just too much. On your first several dates you really don't want to know every thing about your dates life from birth to the present time. Give it a rest. Make your date feel comfortable to talk to you, but not so comfortable that he or she overtakes the conversation. Review numbers 1and 2 above. Relationship Tip: Ask questions of your date that will let you know if he or she is the right person for you. If you hear something that doesn't sound right or a red flag goes up, don't dismiss it. Store it and remember it later. And observe. More than 80% of conversation is physical. Look for nervous gestures, they speak louder than words.
Dare To Have Spares - Maybe you should keep dating other people even if that first date with someone is terrific. After that "honeymoon" period, when things sometimes go wrong and ones politeness deteriorates, so will the relationship. And guess what, you will be alone. During your dating period keep up with friends and family, even date other people. That dating other people, your partner should be made aware of your decision to keep dating others. Now I don't mean that you should continue to date others after you are engaged. I think you get my drift. Relationship Tip: Keeping involved with other people will keep you from getting too involved with one person too fast. No one should demand such loyalty too early in a relationship. Be honest with all concerned and enjoy.
Watch For Rebounds And Reruns - A big mistake is to date someone else to forget the person who dumped you. You need solo time between relationships. I think that one of the biggest mistakes and predictor of impending danger is to not be at ease with yourself. Get in touch with the real you. If you are not in touch with the real you, you will never have a truly successful and satisfying relationship with anyone. It takes hard work to ready one's self for those things we call dating and relationships. Relationship Tip: After a breakup, wait about a month before you seriously date again. Have fun. Don't make the same mistakes again. And above all enjoy.
Life is so strange. Do you ever wonder if you are ever going to get it right. Sometimes other people seem to get it, it seems so easy for them, but not for you. Well, let me tell you a secret...it's not so easy for anyone. Those other people who look like they get it may be just faking it. Or they may have found their real self, nourishes it and enjoys being the person that they knew they were from the beginning.
Never jump to conclusions when dealing with the actions or words of others. We never really know another human being until that human being decides to reveal himself or herself to you. We all have the private side of our person. The part of ourselves that we keep so secret and removed form the people we say we love. Sometimes an entire life suffers from lack of sincerity and honesty. Look at the person who your call your significant other. Now don't tell the person you are doing this, do it on the sly. Look at your loved one, do you really know this person. If you can say an absolute yes, then consider yourself blessed. You and your other are doing something right.
There are many reasons for this lack of honesty and genuine unconditional regard for another. I feel the main reason is insecurity. We may say something wrong, or the other person my not like us if they knew that deep secret or feeling that you may have. There may be more practical reasons, too. Maybe you are not at that point in your relationships to be totally honest with others. Maybe you do not really know yourself and accept yourself. Maybe the other person is not be at that level of consciousness, yet. In any case, the first step in developing a sincere and loving relationship is self-knowledge. You must know yourself before you will be ready to share that self with another. For some, it takes a lifetime to achieve that first step. Once that first step is mastered, you are ready to share your existence with that special person. Good luck.
Stop Bad Breath...I go from dating to bad breath. What will I tackle next..body odor? In a way this is very much related to dating. One must keep up the physical appearance of one's self. Good hygiene should be a part of each person's daily routine. What about bad breathe? There's no bigger turn off that a person with bad breath. Personally I can't stand the smell of smoke on a person's breath, but that's another story. There are some thing that you can do about bad breathe. One thing - be sure you are healthy. Allergies, sinus trouble, gastroesophageal reflux, cavities and gum disease can cause bad breathe. If anything here sounds familiar, you should consider visiting your doctor or dentist.
Other bad breathe preventative measures - work on hygiene. Brush your teeth two or three times a day and after meals. Don't forget your tongue. I never realized that until I saw a colleague brushing his teeth in the men's room and he said that he was important to brush your tongue. It kind of made me sick, but something. Floss daily. Sounds stupid to you. Go ahead and floss your teeth, then take that floss string and smell it. Pretty bad, that's what other's smell when you don't floss.
Keep your mouth moist. Saliva washes away bacteria and debris down your throat. Keep saliva forming by chewing gum or using mints. Not the sugary ones, sugar free. And drink a lot of water - slosh it inside your mouth before swallowing.
Avoid stinky foods.
Get a good mouthwash. Use mouthwashes that are antiseptic. I heard on TV that antiseptic mouthwashes do the same for your teeth and mouth as flossing. Just like that commercial for Listerine, keep the mouthwash in your mouthe for 30 seconds, come on, you can do it.